Happy New Year, Fun Bitches! 2014 is shaping up nicely. Our first full cruise of the New Year saw us missing two ports and the ship being pounded by rain and wind at sea. Then, our new comedians missed the ship in the last port so Carnival let me headline all five Punchliner shows Thursday night. They figured that, with all the disappointments our guests experienced that cruise, what's one more?

Fortunately, my five shows rocked and I had last Friday night off. Unfortunately, I came down with the flue and have spent the past two days in isolation. The nurses say it's because of my unfunny jokes, but the doctor blames the flue virus.

Regardless, between coughing jags and the final few episodes of Season 2 of "Dexter," I've been able to crank out my first comedic essay of 2014.

Enjoy--and have fun, dudes!